7 Tips For Being A More Assertive Teacher
Joanne Howard 
Teachers are natural people pleasers, putting the needs of those around us first, while our loved ones cope with the dregs of our energy.
HOW ASSERTIVE ARE YOU AT WORK?
As teachers, many of us are natural people pleasers, putting the needs of those around us first, while our loved ones cope with the dregs of our energy. This often results in depletion, and at its worst, an inability to communicate what we truly need and want, leading us to resent those around us.
We often talk about needing to set firmer boundaries between our work and our home life. What this often comes down to is a deep discomfort with being assertive and clearly asking for what we need from people.
You may struggle to say “no” to people when they ask you to do something, or you may find it difficult to ask for help. Reasons for this may include fear of disappointing or hurting someone, fear of disapproval or taking responsibility for somebody else's energy and emotions, resulting in feelings of guilt.
Assertiveness is not the same as aggressive behaviour; we can be assertive and communicate what we need without being confrontational or feeling like we're criticising the other person.
When you know you need to be assertive, remember the 3 C's:
Confident. Clear. Controlled.
Here are 7 tips to help you get there:
1 - Practice saying “no” when you don't want to do something - beginning with small requests and those concerning people furthest away from you first. For example, don't start off by telling your mother-in-law you'd rather not go to hers for Christmas lunch!
2 - Practice using "I... " statements, such as, “I feel frustrated with the situation,” “ I don't have capacity to do that at the moment,” “I would love to help but I have too much on my plate, who else can you try?”
3 - Mentally rehearse conversations in advance so you feel more prepared and can be clear on what you'd like to happen as a result of the conversation.
4 - As part of this, practice embodying confidence, breathing deeply, relaxing your shoulders, and feeling into the belief that your space is valuable.
5 - Try to distance yourself from the emotions of the situation, sticking to the facts and stating clearly what you need.
6 - Reflect back to the person you're talking to to your appreciation of their perspective, how they might feel and what they might need.
7 - Lastly, try to train yourself out of using the word “sorry”. When you say sorry, you end up taking responsibility for the other person's emotions. You have done nothing wrong in protecting your energy - you are not sorry.
Understanding why you find it hard to be assertive and breaking down how to introduce these tools into your life, can have a long lasting impact on your energy levels and relationships.
Which of these tips can you try this week?
If you really struggle to say "no" and to express what you need from people, resulting in regular overwhelm and anxiety, watch out for a new exciting space coming very very soon to give you all the tools you need...!